If Microsoft Made a Car... What Would It Be?

What is the automotive equivalent of Word, and where does Copilot fit? This intriguing question emerged from a recent episode of the Smith and Sniff podcast, where hosts Jonny Smith and Richard Porter found themselves drawing unexpected parallels between Microsoft's productivity suite and the world of automobiles.

The Microsoft Software Experience Through a Car Enthusiast's Eyes

Richard Porter, a writer for Top Gear and The Grand Tour, vented his frustrations with Microsoft's applications during the podcast. His complaints ranged from Excel's online version quirks to Word's notorious habit of unexpectedly changing formatting when pasting content.

"Never underestimate Microsoft's ability to make things more complicated," Porter remarked. "It's almost like having an Alfa Romeo... you just go 'Oh, yeah, it always does that. I'm kind of used to it now. I accept it. It's character, isn't it?' Except it's not 'character' in a piece of software. It's just irritating."

Porter's vivid example of Word's infuriating behavior resonated with many users: "My favorite thing in Word is when you go, 'I'm just going to paste in something here, but I think we've already established that I've already written 3,000 words in Times New Roman 12-point. I'm just going to paste this little guy in here and... OH LOOK, YOU'VE CHANGED THE WHOLE F**KING THING TO WINGDINGS FOR NO APPARENT REASON."

The Automotive Analogy Challenge

The podcast hosts quickly dismissed the Alfa Romeo comparison, despite its initial appeal. While classic Alfas are known for their character and occasional mechanical drama, their styling and driver engagement typically offset their reliability issues. Microsoft's products, on the other hand, offer neither the aesthetic appeal nor the engaging experience to justify their quirks.

A humdrum family hatchback that delivers reliable, if uninspiring, performance also doesn't quite capture the Microsoft experience. The software giant's products are too unpredictable and occasionally frustrating to be compared to the automotive equivalent of a Toyota Corolla.

What Car Would Microsoft Be?

The question remains: if Microsoft's products were a car, what car would they be? This thought experiment invites us to consider the unique combination of features, frustrations, and occasional brilliance that characterize Microsoft's software ecosystem.

Some possibilities might include:

• A well-intentioned but overengineered vehicle that tries to do everything but occasionally gets confused about its primary purpose
• A car with excellent safety features that constantly nags you about every decision you make
• A vehicle that promises seamless integration with all your other devices but sometimes forgets how they're supposed to work together

The Copilot Connection

As Microsoft continues to integrate AI features like Copilot across its product lineup, the automotive analogy becomes even more interesting. Would Copilot be the helpful navigation system that occasionally suggests routes through construction zones? Or perhaps the advanced driver assistance system that sometimes misinterprets road signs?

Your Turn to Weigh In

The Register invites readers to share their thoughts on this automotive-software comparison. What vehicle best represents Microsoft's current output? Is there a specific model that captures the essence of using Word, Excel, or Windows in 2025?

This discussion highlights the universal nature of software frustrations and the creative ways users process their experiences with technology. Whether you're a car enthusiast or a software developer, there's something relatable about comparing the quirks of our digital tools to the characteristics of our vehicles.

As Microsoft continues to evolve its products and integrate new technologies, perhaps the automotive analogy will become even more relevant. After all, both industries are grappling with similar challenges: balancing innovation with reliability, adding features without overwhelming users, and maintaining compatibility across generations of products.

What do you think? Sound off in the comments and let us know what car Microsoft would be in your opinion.